Fatality is Tomorrow! The Halloween party I've celebrated was my favorite one yet. As soon as I came back I threw my shimmering white costume away and was ready to eat my candy until I heard my brother screamed. "Help!" he shrieked as soon as I came in his room. Then I saw it, a colossal flame on a candle with a spine-chilling face. I saw it swimming toward us, my brother ran and locked the door before I even got out. I yell and banged to unlock it but it was too late I thought. It grabbed me and whispered into my ear "Your fatality is tomorrow..."
Fatality is Tomorrow! The Halloween party I've celebrated was my favorite one yet. As soon as I came back I threw my shimmering white costume away and was ready to eat my candy until I heard my brother screamed. "Help!" he shrieked as soon as I came in his room. Then I saw it, a colossal flame on a candle with a spine-chilling face. I saw it swimming toward us, my brother ran and locked the door before I even got out. I yell and banged to unlock it but it was too late I thought. It grabbed me and whispered into my ear "Your fatality is tomorrow..."
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Be careful not mix up your past and present tense. For example I heard by brother screamed. Heard is present and screamed is past. A very creepy ending to your story. It gives me the chills.
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