Successful-Unsuccessful "Yes" I said to my comrade who driving the truck joyfully. I still can't believe I escaped the jailhouse and robbed a couple million in cash too. As soon as we drove home we put all the money on our bed and were ready to sleep until we heard a knock. "Who is it" I asked, "I think it's the cops boss," my comrade repeated. "Quick hide it all !" I whispered,"But where will we hide it all ?" I can't believe this,why did I not realize this.
Your story starts of really strong with a great opening line to hook your readers. Remember to start a new line each time a new person speaks. I wonder how you can make the middle and end of your story just as strong.
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